Welcome to the world Cameron Alexander Morgan, an unbiased account of my heroic actions during the birth of my son.
We got to the hospital right on schedule at 7:00 am and Jen was in the OR by 9:00 am getting her epidural. Which right off the bat doesn’t seem fair because all I got for my pain was a pop tart and a glass of milk. But I digress. When I got into the OR Jen was not looking her best. She had tubes all over her. IVs, oxygen sensors, monitors and the like but I was strong and took my place at her head and held her hand. She immediately asked me “Will they be starting soon?” I told her since two guys wearing masks already had their hands in her stomach this was either the worst mugging ever or they had already started. Our main doctor, who looked remarkably like Richard Dreyfuss, told Jen “You might feel some pressure like someone is standing on your chest but it won’t hurt.” I’m going to guess this guy has never actually had someone stand on his chest because speaking as someone who grew up with an older brother I am here to tell you it does in fact hurt. I’m glad he is an obstetrician not an eye doctor or something like that. Can you imagine? This won’t hurt it will just feel like someone is sticking a needle in your eye. Again I digress. I was told by Jen that I would not have to see any of the horrific gore, sorry, I mean miracle of birth, that is the C section because there was a curtain. Turns out curtains are for mommies not daddies. I could see everything. Remember the pressure on the chest? That was caused by a doctor taking his forearm and squeezing down on Jen like he was trying to get the last bit of toothpaste out of a giant tube. I had to see this and still no drugs for me! It got worse from there. Next the head popped out of Jen’s stomach screaming and covered in goo. Note to self, never watch Alien again!!!! With one final toothpaste squeeze and a shoulder twist he was all the way out. Two arms, two legs, ten toes, ten fingers and a head full of black hair. ????????
(note from Jen: David and I both have light hair... especially David ;-) )
We got to the hospital right on schedule at 7:00 am and Jen was in the OR by 9:00 am getting her epidural. Which right off the bat doesn’t seem fair because all I got for my pain was a pop tart and a glass of milk. But I digress. When I got into the OR Jen was not looking her best. She had tubes all over her. IVs, oxygen sensors, monitors and the like but I was strong and took my place at her head and held her hand. She immediately asked me “Will they be starting soon?” I told her since two guys wearing masks already had their hands in her stomach this was either the worst mugging ever or they had already started. Our main doctor, who looked remarkably like Richard Dreyfuss, told Jen “You might feel some pressure like someone is standing on your chest but it won’t hurt.” I’m going to guess this guy has never actually had someone stand on his chest because speaking as someone who grew up with an older brother I am here to tell you it does in fact hurt. I’m glad he is an obstetrician not an eye doctor or something like that. Can you imagine? This won’t hurt it will just feel like someone is sticking a needle in your eye. Again I digress. I was told by Jen that I would not have to see any of the horrific gore, sorry, I mean miracle of birth, that is the C section because there was a curtain. Turns out curtains are for mommies not daddies. I could see everything. Remember the pressure on the chest? That was caused by a doctor taking his forearm and squeezing down on Jen like he was trying to get the last bit of toothpaste out of a giant tube. I had to see this and still no drugs for me! It got worse from there. Next the head popped out of Jen’s stomach screaming and covered in goo. Note to self, never watch Alien again!!!! With one final toothpaste squeeze and a shoulder twist he was all the way out. Two arms, two legs, ten toes, ten fingers and a head full of black hair. ????????
(note from Jen: David and I both have light hair... especially David ;-) )
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